Basic Norms …everybody must know
Good Manners – Etiquette
Good manners put others
before you and are a sign of respect and courtesy. They are practical
guidelines to help you interact positively with other people and can add to
your future success in the world of work. Manners are what is customary for the
time and may differ by culture, environment and generation. You are encouraged
to pay attention and observe what others do to determine socially appropriate
response.
Manners 101 (or getting
started)
Manners acknowledge differences
in people and show respect for others:
• Hold doors for adults,
friends or anyone that looks like they need help.
• Let others go before you.
• Give up your seat on the bus
or train to an adult or someone that looks like they need one.
• Let guests go first.
• Respect your elders.
Greeting Adults
Today, more adults invite youth
to call them by their first name. It is good to pay attention and follow a
person’s preferences. These guidelines vary in different cultures and in some
southern U.S. states “sir” and “ma’am” are the preferred way to show respect.
• If invited to do so, you may
call an adult by their first name.
• If not, here are the
guidelines to follow: o
A man is “Mr.”
o A married woman is “Mrs.”
o A married or unmarried woman is “Ms.”
o A couple with different last names would be “Mr. and
Ms.”
o A couple with the
same last name is
“Mr. & Mrs.”
o A girl or unmarried
woman is “Miss.”
• When visiting at a friend’s
house, say hello and goodbye to their parent(s) or guardian(s) when you arrive
and depart.
• If you are visiting a
dignitary, politician, university professor, royalty or military personnel,
work with the adult in charge to learn the proper protocol for addressing those
individuals.
Making Introductions
• Make introductions to the
older person first.
• Make introductions to the
woman before the man.
• Introduce names they will use
for each other (i.e. - do not introduce your Mom to a friend as “Mom”,
introduce her as “Mrs. Smith.”)
Making Conversation
• Make “please” and “thank you”
part of your daily conversation.
• When someone says “thank
you,” say “you’re welcome” in response.
• Try to avoid awkward words
such as um, huh, hmm, nah, and yeah. Instead pause and think before speaking to
prevent this from happening.
• Keep your tone of voice
pleasant.
• Take care with “friendly
put-downs” that actually tend to hurt and are not really funny like you intend,
i.e. “shut-up” or “so what.”
• Try not to be shy, break the
ice by asking questions such as “Who is your teacher?”
• Take turns talking and avoid
telling really long stories or giving too many details.
• If you are on a cell phone in
a public place, try to find a quiet place you can continue the conversation or
keep your voice down so that the entire area does not have to hear your conversation.
• When leaving a message on
answering machine or voice mail, always indicate your name, who you are calling
for and why you are calling.
• Be a good listener by: o Getting others involved by asking them questions.
o Nodding your head.
o Make eye contact.
o Commenting on what the other person has said.
o Not switching the topic back to yourself.
o Not interrupting while someone else is talking.
o Not walking away when someone gets boring, but by
trying to change the subject instead.
o Depending on the generation you are communicating
with; consider not emailing, texting or talking on electronic devices while
conversing with someone. For many, this is interpreted as disrespectful.
• Spell and grammar check
messages. Do not send messages that are filled with mistakes
• Typing messages in all caps
is interpreted as yelling.
• You do not have to respond to
every e-mail message you receive, but please do so to those with specific questions.
• When someone overwhelms you
with e-mails that keep you from important jobs, tasks or work, let the sender
know you have to cut back on e-mail so you can get other things done – keep
this in mind when you are sending e-mails to others as well.
• Do not forward another
person’s personal e-mail or e-mail address without his or her permission.
• Do not misrepresent yourself,
lie or engage in pretend conversation.
• Be cautious with internet
chatting and tell a trusted adult, your parent(s) or guardian(s) if anything
makes you uncomfortable.
• Re-read messages before
clicking the send button – why? Computer messages are different than
face-to-face conversations. They are instant and a form of written
communication. Think about how your message is going to sound and be
interpreted by the other person before you send the message. If you would not
say something in person, do not write it online.
Tips for Being a Host or Guest
When you are the host:
• Clean your home before guests
arrive.
• Greet your guests as they
arrive.
• Thank guest for coming as
they enter/exit.
• Let guests go first getting
in line, at a buffet, going out the door, etc.
• Show guests around the main
living area of your home if they have never been there before.
• Introduce new friends to
everyone to ensure that no one is left out.
• Mingle with everyone.
• Be flexible when it comes to
different activities.
• When eating a meal and a
friend calls, tell them you will call back after you have finished eating.
When you are the guest:
• Be friendly and polite to the
host, their elders and other guests.
• Do not help yourself to
something unless you are told that you may do so.
• Offer to help clean up after
a meal or if a mess happens.
• Say thank you when leaving.
Table Manners and Eating
Do…
• Ask if there is anything you
can do to help before and after the meal.
• Sit up straight with your
chair pushed in and your elbows off the table.
• Pass dishes of food to the
right.
• Cut food into small bites and
avoid putting large portions in your mouth.
• Chew with your mouth closed
and avoid making loud chewing or smacking noises.
• Cut your food with the knife
in your right hand and fork in your left. Once cut and ready to eat, transfer
your fork to your right hand and set the knife down on your plate.
• Carry your plate, utensils
and glass to the kitchen when the meal is finished.
• Thank the cook for an
excellent meal.
• Fold your fabric napkin and
leave it alongside your plate – if it is paper, toss it in the trash when
you help clear the table.
• Pass the salt and pepper
together even if they only asked for the salt.
• Ask permission to get up when
you are
finished with your food - “May
I be excused?”
Do not…
• Begin eating until everyone
is seated and let your host be the lead.
• If the meal is being served
individually, do not start eating until everyone at your table has been served.
• Reach across the table or in
front of someone else; ask for items to be passed to you.
• Talk with food in your mouth.
Table Settings
• Make sure to eat with the
proper silverware. The food you eat first has the silverware farthest from the
plate so that you work your way inward. Most special occasions and restaurants,
set the table similarly to this: o On the right of the
plate from the outside in, is the soup spoon, followed by the salad knife and
finally the dinner knife.
o On the left side of the plate from the outside in, is
the salad fork and then the dinner fork.
o The bread plate is the small plate in the upper left
corner with a butter knife placed on top.
o Silverware above the plate is for dessert.
o For soup and/or salad served before the main course,
place those dishes on top of the dinner plate.
• At home, or in a casual
setting, set the table as follows: o Set the plate down
first
o On the right of the plate, set the knife down next to
the plate with the sharp edge facing the plate.
o Next, place the spoon to the right of the knife.
o On the left of the plate, set the fork down with the
napkin to the left of the fork.
o Finally, set the glass in the upper right corner of
the plate.
Tips for Dining Out
• Arrive just prior to the
reservation time.
• Follow the host to the table.
• After being seated, look at
the menu and make your selection.
• Say please and thank you as
you order.
• After orders have been taken,
place your napkin in your lap and use it when needed.
• Say thank you to servers when
they arrive with your food or refill your beverage.
• Laying your fork and knife
down on the plate, point-to-point, tells the wait staff that you are still
eating. When they are placed parallel together that signals that you are done
with your meal.
• If you think you have spinach
stuck in your teeth, excuse yourself and place your napkin in your chair and
push the chair back in towards the table.
• When dining out, tipping is
appropriate. Some restaurants already calculate in the tip so check your bill
prior to leaving a 15-20% tip.
Tips
for Being Interviewed During a Meal
In addition to Tips for Dining
Out, consider:
Do…
• Dress as you would for a
traditional interview held in an office.
• Make an effort to arrive
first. Wait in the lobby.
• No matter what time you
arrive, check to see if your party is already there.
• Wait for everyone to be
seated and let the interviewer take the lead. Open your menu after s/he has
done so.
• Sit up straight.
• Use a napkin. Place the
napkin in your lap after the orders have been taken.
• First hurdle: Beverages. Your
interviewer is likely to let you order first. Consider water. Depending on
where you live, iced tea is also a good choice.
• Second hurdle: Entrées. Do
not order the most expensive or the cheapest item. Do not order anything that
is huge, smelly or crunchy.
• Order a dish that you can
easily and gracefully eat with a knife and fork.
(Avoid spaghetti,spareribs, fried chicken,tacos, lobster, and sloppy sandwiches.)
• Order quickly and with no fuss or interrogation
of the server. Minimize
comments regarding personal nutrition/ dietary issues.
• Eat your dinner roll by
breaking off a small piece at a time.
• If you have brought a
portfolio or other papers, mention that you have them and let the interviewer
choose when to bring them out. After the plates have been cleared is usually a
good time.
• Be polite to the servers. The
way you treat them says a lot about your character.
• If something is a little
wrong with your order, let it slide. This is one meal that is really not about
the food.
• Eat something. If you do not,
you’ll look nervous. Try to finish at least half.
• Be graceful about letting the
interviewer pick up the tab. You were invited!
• Here is an advantage of a
meal interview: You can ponder your answer to a difficult question while
chewing!
• Only order dessert if the
interviewer does.
Do not…
• Drink straight from a bottle
or through a straw.
• Eat too fast, or as if you’re
ravenous. Do not wipe your plate with your bread.
• Eat extremely slowly either,
though you will probably be eating less quickly than your interviewer. (This is
a good reason to order something small).
• Talk with your mouth full.
• Put your elbows on the table.
• Wad up your napkin. Fold it
loosely and lay it on the table next to your plate.
• Ask for a doggie bag or box.
• Forget to mention the meal in
your thank-you note.
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